17 October, 2018

Good day, wherever you may be!

Today is a rather odd day.
I've spent the last few weeks working non-stop. I've had overtime at work left, right and centre. I've had videos and streams all over the shop. Then I have my degree and everything else in between. Sometimes you don't realise how much you actually do until you stop for a moment to think about it.
Today is odd because it is my first day off work in a while, where I also don't need to record, or edit, or stream, or study. A day just for me to spend time thinking, relaxing and enjoying life. A day I spend months saying I want and need, and yet, when it comes along I have no idea what to do with myself.

It's finally Autumn. For those who don't know (and I'd be surprised if you don't) Autumn is my favourite time of year. I rather dislike being hot and bothered, so Summer and I don't see eye to eye. Spring is too bright and humid, and Winter is too cold and wet. Autumn is a nice, cool season, with bursting orange trees and yellow colours everywhere to be seen. This year we've had an exceptionally long Summer, and every time it seemed like it was cooling down for Autumn, it got hot again. I am, however, happy to report that my desk fan has officially gone away in the loft, and Autumn is officially upon us.

So far this year has been a difficult one. I can't say 2018 has been a particularly fun year for many reasons. Some really great things have happened, of course. But for the most part, I am really happy it's coming to an end. These last few months have been quite stressful and I'm really looking forward to Christmas just to have some time away from everything. I need a real break, a week or so, where I've pre-planned everything I need to and I can just relax at home with my family without worrying about work, videos, etc. I am so looking forward to that. On the bright side, Catherine is visiting again in November for a week, so that will be like, half a break? I will still have to go to work and stream as usual, but I will get to spend most of my time with her which will be lovely, and I can't wait.

Burn out, it sucks.

05 October, 2018

Hi everyone, I hope you're doing well!

I know I suck super bad at keeping this blog updated, but I am trying to make more effort and write more things down here. It's a good opportunity for me to be able to write down my thoughts and feelings without having to post it in either 280 characters on Twitter, or find the words to explain it on YouTube or Twitch.

Lately I've been struggling again with that good friend of ours, Mr Burn Out. It seems I tend to come back to my blog whenever I feel meh, since most of my blog posts are about negative things.

Currently, I am working a day job, running three YouTube channels with regular uploads, AND streaming four times per week on Twitch, as well as running my social media accounts. About two months ago, I started to feel really down out of no-where. The feeling of total self doubt would just appear in the middle of daily tasks I'm used to doing all of the time, such as editing, or even mid-livestream. One minute I'm feeling great, shouting at the top of my lungs that I'm under attack, the next I'm slouching in my chair, feeling crap, almost on the verge of tears, and usually absolutely nothing prompts it. It just appears. The classic self doubt that consumes most of us whenever we try to do something we don't feel we're good at.