I think about my future very often. I am one of those people who rarely thinks 'in the now' but rather always 'what's going to happen'. I am always planning way in advance, sometimes unnecessarily. I always have really big ambitions and often they are irrational but that won't stop me from trying my absolute hardest to make them a reality. This however, isn't always a positive. Because I always have big, ambitious goals I tend to beat myself up quite heavily if I don't achieve them which obviously is not very healthy. Today I really wanted to talk about aspirations and why they can sometimes be a negative as well as a positive.
I am very aspirational, ambitious, a 'dream-bigger' if you will. Every year I set myself 'Year Goals', every month I set myself 'Month Goals', and you guessed it, every week and every day I do it too. Some of them are perfectly reasonable, like 'Write a New Blog Post Today' or 'Record This Vlog Today'. Some, are much bigger and sometimes even out of my control, such as "Reach X Amount of Subscribers on YouTube". Often when I complete one of my goals I feel really good about myself, I feel empowered. But when I don't manage one or I mess up I feel absolutely rubbish. I tend to feel sad that I didn't complete it and then I'm hard on myself for not making sure I had the time to do it, even if having that time is completely impossible. I know in my head that it's irrational to be angry with myself that I haven't recorded a haul vlog I've been planning for over a week yet. I haven't had time due to work, YouTube and so on, yet I will still think "I could have still done it, and it's your own fault you didn't" even if in reality I really couldn't have fit it in. I know that it's irrational to be angry with myself and yet I find it completely impossible not to be.