Sometimes I'm not okay, and that's okay.

03 November, 2018

Do you ever just wake up one morning and feel completely lost? But not the usual kind of lost, not the kind where there's an explanation for it, such as losing something, or someone, or experiencing something negative. I mean the kind where you wake up feeling lost, sad, empty, but there's absolutely no reason you can think of for it, nor any explanation or signs of what led to it.

Sometimes when I wake up this way, it doesn't just last a morning. Sometimes, it doesn't just last a day. Occasionally, this feeling can last me weeks. Eventually, you kind of get used to that empty feeling and you start to learn how to hide it, how to push it down and pretend or even hope it isn't really there. It's honestly a very sucky experience.

For the last two weeks, this is how I've felt. The only energy I have is to take crappy pictures with Snapchat filters and never use them for anything. It's common for me to feel it in very early summer. I really don't manage well in heat and I hate trying to sleep when it's light outside, so often I get really moody for a few weeks whilst I get over the fact that I just have to deal with it for a while. This time, it's the start of Autumn. My favourite season, if you were unaware. So it definitely isn't a seasonal thing.

At the moment I have so much going on. My job, my content channels, my degree, family life, that I honestly just don't even get chance to sit and wonder about why I might be feeling a certain way. I tend to just deal with it and get on with it and try to make as little fuss as possible. I hate burdening others with my issues or feelings, so I just get on with it. I know it will pass, it always does. Last time it passed, the time before that it passed, this time it will pass. But while you're experiencing it, it's just such an odd feeling. You're sad but you have no idea why. You feel empty but you're not sure what's missing. You feel lost but you aren't even sure you were ever found, or if you even should be for that matter.

After many, many times of experiencing this feeling of total self-doubt and sadness, I think the best thing I ever did was finally come to terms with the fact that it's okay to feel this way. I am not the only person in the world who ever has, or ever will feel this way. Just like everybody else you get through it, you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and just keep going until it passes again. Then, you live your life until the feeling comes back and you show it that you aren't afraid of it and keep powering through. Over and over again.

These last few weeks all I have felt is self-doubt and dread with obvious reason as to why. I have just felt empty and sad and I just cannot figure it out. But today I thought to myself, that's okay. I'm okay. It's okay to feel this way. I found a better way to deal with how I'm feeling, and as it turns out, writing it down does help. It's really nice to not just have it all up in my head.

Anywho, here's yet another rambly blog post about silly things I am feeling for no particular reason at all. It has no real value to anyone else, nor is it educational. But, it has made me feel slightly better, and that works for me!

Go give someone a hug today. Even if it's just one of your pets. I find that love, in any form, can easily heal a broken heart, even if it's only temporarily fixed.


  1. This is such a worth while post, it's great that you know it's ok to not be ok and you are 100% right you will get through it but if you can't kill that feeling try and clear your mind, writing all the stuff down. <3 xxx

  2. I agree with Georgina...this is all so true. You are not the only one who feels that way either. But yes.. "it's ok to not be ok" And my hug goes to you 🤗 Love you Bea ❤

  3. you are defiantly not the only one who feels this way <3 <3 These Blogs are super inspiring and i enjoy reading them <3 <3