Life and Friendships

23 August, 2019

Hi everyone,

Hope you're doing well today.

Life is pretty crazy. No matter how hard it can be, the world keeps spinning, and life keeps going on. Lately, I've been feeling a lot like everyone's lives keep going on while I stand still and watch them move. I feel like I've been put on pause, but everyone around me is still progressing. It's the strangest feeling in the world and it's definitely one I wouldn't wish on anybody else.

I'm spending most of my days wondering, how do people do it? How do they get up every single day, do the same daily routine, move on through almost the same daily experiences, and still seem okay? They still seem happy, capable, strong. Meanwhile, getting out of bed is damn near impossible for me right now. I find myself constantly wishing I could be somewhere else, be someone else, be closer to my friends etc. I feel like my friends are the only thing in my life right now that is good. Everything else is so difficult, so tiring and leaves me completely drained. Without my friends I feel like I'd have nothing right now.

It's so strange. I feel like any time I've felt this low I've got myself out of it fairly quickly, yet this time, it's been almost a year and hasn't improved. I feel completely lost without purpose, with no plans for the future and no real prospects. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody.

I am seeking help, and I can only hope that it improves with time. I am trying to remind myself that these things take time, and tell myself that eventually, it will get better, but it's so hard. It's almost impossible to stay positive and keep believing in myself and my ability to make it better eventually.

I just continue to be so grateful for my friends. So, so grateful. They make everything so much better. They give me so much purpose, especially when I feel like I have almost none. I have the best group, and the most incredible best friend in the world. I wish I knew what I did to deserve them, but whatever it was, I am forever grateful.

All I can say is to remember to tell the people you love that you love them, as often as you can. You never know what they're experiencing and it can completely change their day around just to know you're thinking about them.

Thank you for bearing with me through all of this. I'm trying hard to not let it affect my content and my presence online, but it's really hard to be positive when you feel so low so often.

Just gotta keep pushing on.

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