28 October, 2019


For anyone who knows me, even just slightly, they'll know that Fall is my favorite season. I feel as though I spend the rest of the year consistently consumed with my want for Autumn to be back again. I hate heat, I hate being hot. I'm not a fan of sleeping when it's still light outside or being woken up by the sun rising too early. The bugs, insects, spiders... there's really nothing about spring/summer that I like.

This year didn't help with that. As you likely already know if you read my blog, it's been a really tough year. Easily the toughest I've ever personally experienced. It's taken a lot of time, effort, medication and more to drag myself to a position where I can at least get out of bed and just keep going every day. As the seasons change, I can definitely feel the benefit Fall has on my mental state. Right now I've really been trying to focus on the things I love about Fall, and about this time of year as a whole. I'm trying really hard to focus on things that make me feel positive, spending time with friends and just in general doing things that make me feel happy.

One of the biggest changes I've made lately is definitely to my activity levels. I've always been very lazy and not had the energy to change that, nor have I ever really wanted to. But for a long while now, I've been actively walking at least two miles every single day, as well as some short exercises that I can do from home. I've been sleeping a lot better and eating better and as a whole it feels like I've made some wonderful progress towards being healthier and happier.

One of the pictures I've taken on my walks recently.

I do feel like things are improving. There are still days and times where I feel really low, sure. But things are definitely in a far better place than they were 6 months ago. In reality, I mainly have my friends to thank. I feel as though without them, I'd have given up and stopped trying. I'm incredibly grateful for them for encouraging me to keep going, to keep trying, and for reminding me that I'm a good person who deserves to feel okay. Every day they dedicate so much time to me, and I am so insanely thankful for them.

I'd like to say that by Christmas I'll be a-okay, but I know that there's no time limit on these things. I'd also love to be able to guarantee I won't ever return to the place I've been in but I know that is unreasonable. There's always going to be days when I feel very low, or desperate, or days where I just need some extra love. But with the support of my friends, family and the connections I've made I feel far better off than I ever did. It's nice to not feel so alone.

Thank you for being so patient with me and standing by me while this year has progressed. It's truly been one of the hardest of my life and I will be glad to see the back of 2019. Thankfully, I met and became close to most of my friends this year and they have become the most important people in my life. That, and that alone is worth replacing every memory from this year with happy ones I've experienced with my friends.

I will end this year remembering positive and happy memories about my wonderful friends, and those alone are enough to fill the holes left behind from the unfortunate things that have happened this year. 

Thank you once again for reading. Talk to you again soon.
Bea x

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad to hear that you feel a lot better lately.

    A positive mindset I feel is more achievable when you are happy. I am often self-critical but I also look for the good things in life. Back then, I let my own judgement of myself consume me and it was difficult to think positively in life when you have these thoughts lurking around. I have been doing good lately at managing but I still have a lot to go myself. I know that feeling negative comes and goes; People who have Depression can often feel depressed again after a certain amount of years of not having it. My therapist told me that it's all about managing symptoms and it's not about "curing" mental illnesses; and to manage these sad thoughts is to become positive and find things that makes you happy.

    I'm always glad hearing about how grateful you are towards your friends. I wish you more happy days to come.