Life Won’t Wait

 I couldn’t sleep tonight. So I felt that perhaps now was a good time for an update, or rather, a mind dump of my recent thoughts. 

Life has swept me away lately. I feel as though much more deeply than I ever had realized. I became so swept away that it felt more like I was being controlled by my life versus my life being mine to control. This year has been filled with work, development and finding myself. I feel as though I’m always looking for the latter, though. I never truly discover who I fully am. Perhaps I’m destined to discover that later in life, or never. Only time will tell.

2020 has taught me some very valuable lessons. I’m sure many of us can say the same. This year has truly tested us all for so many reasons. It has left many of us feeling helpless, scared, afraid of both the known and the unknown. This year has been a very hard slog, which is why I’m very thankful we will soon see the back of it. It’s funny, though. I feel as though I’ve said this for years. I couldn’t wait for 2016 to end, then 2017, then 18 and 19. We spend so long wishing for the future and wishing our lives would advance faster that sometimes we almost forget to live. Sometimes we forget that our days are numbered and that the future will come but the past won’t return. I think sometimes we forget that life won’t wait for us.

I think that’s been the toughest lesson I’ve learned this year. That life isn’t going to wait for me. It will always be 5 steps ahead. It doesn’t matter how much I try to chase it, it’s always going to be in front of me, so why am I so afraid of falling behind? Why am I so terrified of not being able to keep up if I simply never will be able to? If we need a break, we should take one. If we feel we can’t keep up, we should stop and slow down until we feel the strength to chase again. If life is always going to be ahead then taking a break will surely make no difference? That’s one thing I feel I’ve learned this year. If I need a day of rest, I’ll take one, so that I can resume the life chasing once I’m well-rested, because by not taking that break, I won’t be a few steps ahead. Instead I’ll be prone to fall back later.

This year I really started to put my dreams first. My aspirations ahead of me. I placed my goals in the forefront of my mind and I’ve been working day in and day out to achieve them. Many people have said I’ve overworked or that I am still, but I’m not sure those people fully understand what having a dream entails. Either that, or they care and just don’t see that I can’t be someone who sits by and sees my dreams pass me by. I believe that if I work hard my dreams are reachable and so that is what I do. Every day. Because then I can never tell myself I didn’t try my best if it doesn’t work out. 

Things have begun to change, though. I’ll be beginning hormones soon. My channels are doing better than they’ve ever done in my entire YouTube career. I’m feeling proud of myself for the first time in a very very long while. It’s a nice feeling.

What is the purpose of this post you might ask? Honestly. I have no idea. I think I just wanted my inner thoughts out on paper. 

Ultimately.  This year I learned a valuable lesson. That life won’t wait. If you don’t start living it soon, it isn’t going to change a thing except make you feel negative for not doing so and I truly feel if there’s something you’ve been holding out to do, something you want to tell someone, an action you’re desperate to do. I suggest you seek out the things you need to in order to complete it.

Life won’t wait for you, and once it passes you by it’ll be much more complicated to complete the things you hope to. If I learned anything this year it’s the power of the friendship of good people, my own strength and my ability to keep going and the supportive of people all working together for a common goal.

I hope you are all well, sorry for the mind up. Go seek out some life and live a little 💖